Here’s What I Believe About God
Please note: this article is about my personal interpretations. I may draw upon psychological and philosophical research as well as personal anecdotal experience. This is not about what is, or isn’t effective, it is an insight into my worldview.
Even though I’m highly convinced that God is real, I’m essentially agnostic – I don’t ‘know’ if there’s a God and when I really think about it, I don’t know anything at all. The best anyone ever has is a strong subjective impression, or a strong objective probability. I have a strong subjective impression that I exist (and it seems that you do too, although you and I might not, essentially, be separate). It’s probably the thing that I’m most certain about… but not completely… never completely.
What do I mean by God? – God as Pan-Being
There are many things that different people mean by ‘God’. Paul Tillich talks about God as the potential from which ‘being’, or experience arises. He uses the example of waves, vs. the ocean. Waves are the beingness that rise from and fall back into the ocean – the ground of being.
I would sprinkle in a bucket of Panpsychism to that, making the ocean ‘being’ as well as the waves. There is some kind of experience that ‘it is like to be’ a wave, the entire ocean and… well… everything.
For me, everyone and everything’s collective and individual experience is God – expressions of the same ocean. Consciousness is the realest thing about reality, it is omnipresent and that is God. This is endless experience and endless process.
Since it is more likely to me that there is a God than there isn’t, many people would take this to mean I believe in God, but since I cannot categorically know, I can only be Agnostic.
I shall dub this personal made up philosophy: “Pan-Beingism”.
Why is Active Self-Creation Subjectively Important, Whether Objectively True, or Not?
I don’t think of God so much as a creator, because creation is a process, which implies a beginning and a separate entity that creates. That being said, us humans have the experience of creating and, incidentally, it is very important to our wellbeing.
There is a subjective sense that conscious choice helps shape outcomes, that in being conscious we make active choices. At my most sceptical, I would say that this is an astoundingly meaningful game. At my most affirming I would say that it is astoundingly meaningful because choice is a fundamental choreography that shapes reality.
There is growing evidence that nature consciously chooses, not necessarily instead of, but in addition to the more passive view held by natural selection. Even Darwin considered that sexual selection depends, at least partially, on subjective preference and choice, that evolution of entire species is influenced by these choices. He observed male Satin Bowerbirds decorating their “bowers” with specific blue objects. Female Bowerbirds then select their mate, significantly influenced by her favourite bower. This choice influences the evolution of male Bowerbird brains and the colour of their feathers.
If God is everything and everyone, God must also be creation itself. Either that, or the simulation of creation – the result is the same. Creation certainly feels Godly. It brings with it a strong sense of fulfilment.
Since, to me, God is everything and everyone and God seems to be endlessly and actively self-developing, I suppose this would make me a Pan-Beingist Pragmatic Self-Developist.
Self-Identifying as ‘Pan-Being’ and the Power of Self-Transcendence
I have had many experiences where I am acutely aware of ‘being’ and of consciousness as limitless and eternal – You may have too. They can be comforting, or frightening experiences and they can vary in intensity. This is one manifestation of self-transcendence, which can deeply transform us and the lives we lead for the better. However, self-transcendence is not without risk, so getting support and guidance, such as from a therapist who has some understanding of this phenomenon, can really maximise the potential benefit.
Here’s What I Believe About Kundalini Awakening
Kundalini is an ancient Hindu description, map and guide for a non-ordinary, yet surprisingly common spiritual experience and process. It has stood the test of time and it appears to map out something that many people experience. It seems also to apply to those who have prior knowledge of Kundalini and those who don’t.
A Kundalini experience typically includes movement of energy and emotion in the body, often through the spine and often intensely. The direction of flow travels upwards from the base of the spine to the crown and can be interrupted by blockages, representing the release of psychological stress, or unresolved trauma. This can be accompanied by spontaneous movements and shaking, changes in temperature, altering mental states, release of emotion and meaningful insights.
These symptoms can subside suddenly, or gradually, once any blockages are released and enter-in in a calmer, more consistent being. Temporality is baked-in to the Kundalini experience. It is a process of travel through many states, with an end that is very different to the beginning.
I believe in the power of and have deep respect for a force of nature called ‘Kundalini’, because I have witnessed and accompanied people going through these intense symptoms on a number of occasions. Experiencers have frequently expressed a sense of expansive and unitive awareness and consciously needing to let go, in alignment with my “Pan-Beingist Pragmatic Self-Developist” stance.
The Romanticism of Kundalini
There is a growing culture within, or adjacent to Yoga that actively aims to induce Kundalini experiences, and with it comes a romanticism for the orgasmic sensations and transcendental experiences that it appears to offer. Indeed for some people, that is how it is, but for many others, euphoria is experienced intermittently with overwhelm and a sense of being adrift, for example. Again, for some this may not be unpleasant and perhaps the aim is this, to allow these feelings, or energies to exist, without resisting, or fighting them. However, romanticism can have a tendency to omit these possibilities from the sales brochure.
This is why I think it is important not to sensationalise Kundalini. The profound answers generally boil down to balance, honest reflections and appreciating the rough in equal measure with the smooth.
Here’s What I Believe About Dark Night of the Soul
A Dark Night of the Soul is associated with a vacuum of meaning, purpose, identity and/or values, a sense of emotional pain and an internal death. It comes from a poem, written by San Juan de la Cruz in the 16th century. Much like the Kundalini process, it is temporary, characterised by God abandoning the experiencer before they are transformed, the implication being that the sense of abandonment is an important part of the process. In order to see this process through, the experiencer allows themselves to be passively purified.
Once again we see a redefinition of the boundaries of meaning, and notably, identity. As if suddenly, the familiar is pulled from under the feet. New experiences and notions of who you can be emerge, but perhaps after a period of unsettling confusion. This seems to overlap with the before and after of Kundalini unblocking. A dark night of the soul seems to suggest that it is singular, however, where the Kundalini process may involve the unblocking of multiple traumatic, or stressful clusters.
After abandonment from God there is a oneness with God and an importance of letting go, again, suggestive of my “Pan-Beingist Pragmatic Self-Developist” stance.
Here’s What I Believe About Psychedelic Crisis
A psychedelic crisis is a spiritual crisis of the type that is induced through ingestion of a psychedelic drug, or through another means of initiation, like through breathwork, or meditation.
As I explain in another article, psychedelic crises seem to be, if not identical, closely related to spiritual crises.
Similarly to Kundalini and Dark Night of the Soul, psychedelic crises can bring with them ego dissolution – a dissolving of identification with perceived personal history and an altered perception of reality. Distribution and expansion of identity can follow, resonating thematically with my own, made up “Pan-Beingist Pragmatic Self-Developist” stance.
Why Might Spiritual Crises Happen to Some, but not Others
Spiritual crises initiate an opening to transformation. In many cases it seems that this happens without the experiencer asking for it, or knowing the profundity of what they may be getting into. Indeed, one of the key developments that people make in Spiritually Integrated Therapy is to come to terms with and accept this process of change. It is almost as though you have no option but to let go of fearful resistance. You cannot rescue yourself and you cannot be rescued by anyone else from this experience. In feeling all there is to feel, you realise that they are just feelings – none are good, or bad that are not labelled as such by us, and they are all temporary. You realise that you are a process, more than a state.
Many people come to and aspire to integrate these understandings into their lives, but not all through such a dramatic process as a spiritual crisis and for most on a spiritual path it at least seems as though they are engaging in it voluntarily. The same cannot be said for those who seem to have spiritual crises foisted upon them.
I do not know why some people experience spiritual crises and some don’t. Are they chosen? Could some be deemed to be ready, where others are not? Are they so averse to deliberate change that a drastic passive transformation is required to redress the balance?
Does ‘Spirit’ Administer Spiritual Crises in Order to Avoid Widespread Suffering?
I have wondered why ‘spirit’ would not intervene in the lives of people who are about to commit atrocities, to awaken them to a sense of oneness, for example, and present suffering. But who is to say that they don’t? And who is to say that Hitler, for instance, wasn’t present to a sense of oneness? And who is to say that spirit can predict the future, or can, or should intervene in this way?
I am reminded of my (spiritual) belief that goodness and badness are constructs – constructs which feel incredibly valuable to sustain a relatively harmonised and functional society to my human mind, but are meaningless in my spirit mind.
